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A Bad-Girl's Guide to Weight Loss Surgery
Archives 2003
Home | Enter Into the Wonderful Story of ME...... | Pre-op Journal | Post-op Journals | Surgery Story | Pictures | Favorite Links | Guestbook | Contact Me | Hikaz's Letter to All of You Out There.........

1/1 Happy New Year everyone!!!!! I hope everyone had a great and safe New Year. I know I did. My parents went away for the night and I conned my two younger brothers to go out so I had a little party at my house. It was very fun. Only close friends came so it was nice. We danced and drank. Just how New Year's should be. Hikaz and I started the New Year off right. We had so much fun and I love that he will come over and hang over with my friend whom he never had even met before. It says a lot. Everyone just ended up sleeping over and leaving this afternoon. Hikaz has had so much happen in his life over this past year as did I and it was just nice to be together to start the New Year off together. It was my first New Year's with someone to kiss. It was so new and fun hehe. I know that maybe I should keep somethings to myself but I figure this is a journal so what the hell I'll just say it. Hikaz and I have been seeing each other for two months now and we decided to wait until the right time to actually sleep together. Which I think is an awesome idea especially since it came from him hehe. So anyway last night was something beyond words. Yes I have had sex with a couple people and it was nothing like this. Nothing nothing. It changes something so much when you actually love a person. And I never fully understood that until last night. It makes it so much more special. I have gotten used to the cuddling thing as well cause before I could never sleep with anyone touching me and now it sucks when Hikaz isn't here to put his arm behind my head and rub my neck until I fall asleep. He is the most amazing person and I wonder everyday how on Earth I was lucky enough to even have come across his path. He makes me comfortable with myself and that is more then I can say about any other person that I know other than family. Actually even some of my family doesn't make me feel as comfortable. *sigh* What did I do to deserve someone so great? So anyway off that topic I got soooooo sick last night. My friend had brought over these potato things that I love. I hadn't eaten all day and when she set them down I ate them sooo fast that I don't even think I could even blink twice. Of course I don't think that it helped any that I had a cookie as well hehe. I was laying on the bathroom floor for two hours waiting for the nausea to pass. It sucked so bad but thank God it went away just in time for midnight......I am so tired. We didn't go to bed until 7 am this morning and then we woke up at about 12:30 cause Hikaz had to leave......I am soooo ready for bed it's not even funny hehe....My birthday is in t minus 6 days......YAY....the big 2-1!!! I think that Hikaz might not even go to Las Vagas with his friend which means he'll be around to come to my party!! He is actually going to come to Las Veags with my family and I at the end of Feb. This should be interesting hehe......I am so looking forward to this year. I am truly taking this as a new beginning. A new beginning with a new attitude about love, work, school, and myself. Take care all and always feel free to e-mail me and tell me what you think about anything....advice.....criticism.....venting about surgery process......whatever you want ;-) nwante@hotmail.com

 

1/9 Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEE!!! Well well well yesterday I went to Boston had had thee most AMAZING dessert. It was some sort of cream and strawberries in  pastry thingie. OHHHH MYYYYY GOD. I can still taste it. My first real dessert in 12 months. Nothing really new on the food front. Eating the same....chicken :) I started my two night classes and it's soooo much fun. I have one radio class which the people in that class are so much fun and then I have a forensics class which of course I find interesting since that is what I want to go into. It's def. weird going to a co-ed school again. I can't get used to having boys in the classroom but it's nice :) They even want to sit next to me and wow even go out of their way to talk to me......STRAAAAAAANGE. Things between Hikaz and I couldn't be better. He is def. coming with us to Las Vegas and this Friday and Sat. he is staying over here at my house. Today is my 21st BIIIIRTHDAY!! I was invited to a party by this kid in my Radio class so I might do that. Hikaz is driving up tomorrow morning and then we're doing the whole movies and bar thing and then Sat Hikaz and I are driving down to Boston to meet my friends and go on a pub crawl. It should be exceptionally fun!!!!! ahhhh i can't wait to actually see the benefits of being 21 ;) Right at this moment other than being tired cause it's only 8 a.m.  I am soooooooo incredibly happy. I can't help but smile all day and everyday. Who would have thought when I was going through that whole thing that only a month later I would be like this. The world works in mysterious ways........

 

1/12 So my birthday celebration has offically ended :( Thursday was awesome. That night I went to a bar that that kid invited me to. We had fun and drank of course :) Then I came home and of course talked to Hikaz as per usual. Friday afternoon Hikaz drove up. My mom was having a psychic party so I went and got my tarot read. She was amazing. Knew so many things. While I was getting the reading done Hikaz walked into my room with a dozen long stem roses and my gift. He is sooooooo sweet. So yeah we hung out until about 9:30 then went to go and see Just Married that movie with Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy. It was not as funny as I expected. We got home at about 11:30 and then just watched TV and chilled. Sat we slept in late and watched some football. hehe Such a guy thing. Then at 7 p.m. we headed down to Boston to meet up with my friend and her boyfriend. We ended up going out to eat at an Italian place and then off to the BAR.....We had sooooooo much fun. I ended up having six shots and two mix drinks. Needless to say I was insanely drunk and Hikaz was so great. He watched out for me on the ice before I was drunk and then after as well ;) Oh yeah he got me the prettiest necklace and jewlery box. The only thing that I remember from last night was when Hikaz and I went to bed he kissed me on my forehead and said that he had a great time and he thought the best part was holding me in his arms......awwwwwwww how sweet hehe. I called him Rico Suave, kissed him and we fell asleep. It was a good end to the past three days. *sigh* Can life get any better???

 

1/28 well well it's inevitible really....the fact that everyone sooner or later in their little weight loss journal entry quest deletes one and well that is what I have done. For those of you that read this on a regular basis you know which one I am talking about and for those of you that this is your first visit then I will just say that it has nothing to do with my weight loss. Just a little commotion that's all ;) Well besides that everything is great. So great in fact that it's just a little strange. I've lost 5 more lbs. and started this awesome class at the gym. Stripping aerobics....soo much fun. We're leaving for Las Vegas in 3 weeks and counting.....it's def. a much needed vacation.  Radio class is great. I just finished a project in which I had to write a biography then record it with music in the background. Of course I had help with the music part. H. helped me with it and we put together an awesome dance mix.....It came out incredible. Got my first paper back in that class as well and got an A....as usual really ;) We also both sent in our apps to schools in Boston. Thank God cause I cannot wait to go to back. I miss it there so badly. I miss all my friends back there and just all the good times that I had there over the past 3 years. NH is NOTHING like being in Boston. Very very different. Ohhhh lordy Las Vegas isn't coming fast enough. Is it possible that when I wake up tomorrow it will be the end of Feb. and I could be leaving??? DAMMIT..... I also finally got a job.....Working at a gynocologist's office. Pretty good to work there since all of this stuff is going on...... other then that life is good, strangely enough....Take care....

 

2/14 Happy Valentine's Day everyone.  Well well well only 6 days until I leave for San Diego, LA, and VEGAS BABY!!!! I sooooo can't wait. It's a much need vacation, for sure. Okay people I have been very bad. I have begun to drink soda!! Don't even ask me why cause honestly it tastes gross and I usually prefer 1/2 juice and 1/2 water. And since I haven't had it in so long the caffiene has been working it's magic and keeping me awake. Today I had to go in for OSHA training for work......UGH.....code of conduct with confidentiality......YUCK YUCK YUCK....I think I would have had more fun jumping out the third story window and trying to land on my feet.  Weight loss is going really well. I am losing about 4 pounds a week and I've started to go tanning in preperation for Cali. I have been taking these great classes at the gym called strip aerobics. SO MUCH FUN and you would htink to yourself "strip aerobics" that there would be these really good looking people there but nooooooooooooooo. It's all women in there late 30s to early 40s. Ahhh well it's a great class! I have been so tired lately.......ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I just feel like sleeping alllllllllllllll day. So yep life is pretty much just coming along really well right now. I'm still waiting to hear back from Northeastern and Emmanuel. Either way I am moving to Boston in the fall. Forget this NH crap.....Too boring!!! Life is good and hopefully I'll find more time to write on here......Stay safe and have a great Valentine's Day.......

 

3/5 Well well folks I am back from my little trip. I had a great great great time. San Diego was soooo beautiful and I truly think about moving out there. LA was just as cool as ever...dirty but cool and Las Vegas was just as I had remembered it though much better cause I was 21! Did some gambling and went to a couple bars and clubs....Very very very fun. We had a great time drinking, dancing, and just spending time together. I have lost another 5 lbs on the trip so things are going well. I signed up for the second half of the Radio class due to other people in my class forcing me to. Just one person in particular but that doesn't matter. It should be fun. I am going to be starting a new job soon. Better money and more hours. Just what I like.....Still haven't heard back from Northeastern yet and I am started to get annoyed hehe.......I know they take forever though so I am not that worried about it. Things are actually good right now and I'm not about to complain about anything other than the fact that one of my closest friends is moving back to France. That's just a little to far for my taste but I think I am going to go and visit her this summer since I will only have to pay for a flight there. Hmmm let's see what else has happened???? hmmmmmmmm ummm nothing really....I told you about everything....I am going to post pictures from my trip so check em out in the Pictures section under Feb. Vacation.....Take care and talk soon....

 

3/15 Hey Everyone can I just say one thing?? Life is good!! I got a 95 in my Radio class and I'm feeling very positive about everything in general. I even got up the courage to watch the video of our trip to Cali and Las Vegas. All of you know what I mean when I say that I cringed at every moment on video before. I watched it from this trip and I was like, "DAMN, I should've been on camera more. Look at me! Look at me!" hehe I also went down another size!! Still haven't chosen another job but one was offered to me as a Pharmacutical (sp?) Salesperson. It seems like a really fun thing to do. Since I have worked in doctor's offices I had talked to them before and asked what they had to do. Sooooooo we shall see. It depends on the other job offers. I def. need to hurry up and chose though cause I want to either go back to Cali, Florida, or France this summer. hehe I know you are thinking ummmmmm France?!?! That is where Selen moved to though and she really wants me to go and visit. Hell all I would have to do is pay airfare and for things that I want otherwise everything else is taken care of.....So who knows, but to do those things I need money sooooooo need to choose a job hehe.....hmmm let's see what else is going on?? ummm nothing much I don't think hehe....I do want some sushi though....yummmm......Talk soon and feel free to write.

 

3/24 This month is going by so fast. Just yesterday wasn't it March 2nd??  Goodness gracious. Things on the job front are insane and there is only CRAP available apparently. So I am just waiting it out until something good comes along. I am watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding AGAIN!!!!! Which makes this the 16th time I've watched it. One day I even watched it twice. Once with commentary and then right after that I watched it again without the commentary......hehe I am weird. Yesterday I bought MTV Yoga and a Bellydancing workout video. They are both really great. The bellydancing is fun and the MTV Yoga is just very "cool". I don't know how to describe it but while I am doing it I just feel like I'm a cool yoga person. All stretchy and yogaish.....yep that's me!! ;) Hmmm let's see what else..... I still haven't heard back from Northeastern and I'm getting a little PO'd....GRRRRRRR is it so hard to just give me a damn answer......YESSSS 

NOOOO.......Please just somehting to work with here.....DAMN. So I guess I just still have to wait and wait and wait and wait and wait. hmmmmmm what else? actually nothing else....everything is going great in other departments and so I'm just going where life takes me. I'm not thinking too hard, just doing it......Talk son and stay safe!!!

 

4/23 Holy crap people can you believe how much time just flys by. You turn around and almost a month has passed. I am now working for a marketing firm and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.....They even offered me a position as a personal assistant for the CEO of the company.....I am making 13 and hour now but as a personal assistant it pays 20 an hour!! Can you believe it??? So needless to say I have decided to hold off on school and I've started to look for an apartment somewhere in between my job and Boston so that I can be closer to friends.

     Weight loss is going really well since I have signed up for the gym recently. My day is so hectic. I wake up at 6:30 head to work for 8.....out at 5 and then to the gym till about 7:30..... I just come home and CRASH big time!! I'm loving it though. I like to be busy.....So anyway I am down another 10 lbs...

     On other fronts everything is absolutely PERFECT!!! I don't want to jinx myself but things are good.......Take care everyone and talk soon....

 

5/28 HOLY SH*T people....it has been more than a month since I have written in here....where does the time go?? Seriously....well umm since last time we have planned a big trip to Miami for July.....Staying right on Ocean Dr. and just going to do some major relaxing and vacationing for the week. I can't wait since the weather here in NH has been crap with a capital C. Work is going great. I am due for my raise in about a month and a half. July should be a busy time.....we have the Miami trip and then we are going to start looking for apartments.thank god cause I am so tired of living at home. I need to be on my own finally!!! I just started the wheels in motion for a loan for a car so we shall see what kind of loan I get tomorrow.....Everything is going good.....Again I don't want to jinx it :-) I am down another 5 lbs. I think the damn muscle is starting to come cause I am hardly losing any weight.....and "muscle weighs more" I hate that!!! Well a big shout out to my man Danny who is finally on the "other side"!!!!! Can you believe it's finally done??? I'm so happy for you and from here on out the world is yours for the taking!!!! Take care all until next time....

 

6/10 Well ladies and gents...it's almost officially summer and ask me how many times I've gotten to wear shorts or anything of that nature....LIKE THREE TIMES....that's it! How annoying to live in the Northeast......hmph. 4 weeks and counting until Miami! Oh Lordy how I cannot wait for this to come. I love vacations. I just applied for a loan for a car so we shall see how that works out fairly soon. I either want a VW Golf or Civic.....something little and cute :) I've already started looking at places. I want to be outta here by October, December the latest. There is also only 4 weeks until I get my raise and position here at the company...YAHOO!!!! I have been going out a lot lately......bars and dancing and such and boy is life different now......Before I would get the occasionally dance partner but they were always hideous to the eyes.....but now I actually get cute eyes and they aren't always dead ass drunk :) It's just so weird to get talked to so much or looked at....but I like it..I like it a lot :) hehe To all Pre-ops.....I warn you, your life will change in so many ways...even in ways that you never dreamed... You turn around and you notice that your life is so different yet so beyond anything you ever thought you wanted. I don't regret one second of what i did to get to this day. Keep in touch people at nwante@hotmail.com Take care........

 

8/8 Holy holy holy crap! It's been almost 2 months since I have updated. How sad is that? VERY SAD! Anyway I have since come back from my lovely trip to Miami. Had a great great great time and get this people......I WORE A BATHING SUIT...OUT IN THE OPEN....NO T-SHIRT OVER.....NO SHORTS OVER. It's amazing isn't it?? I never imagined a day like that would ever come. Of course I was still very quick about the whole process. Rip off the clothes and run into the water... (Actually it was a brisk walk to the water due to the fact that if I actually ran I would be afraid of skin shaking)...or rip off clothes and lie down right away. Overall though by the end of the 6 days I became more comfortable with it. On the day we left I was actually walking around in the top of my bathing suit with shorts......*sigh* to have confidence back......Other than that we had an awesome time. We ran into Charles Barkley on the corner of one of the streets. He was looking for some restaurant that of course we had no idea where it was.....We went clubbing two nights out of the 4. Awesome awesome DJs. we saw Scumfrog and Armin Van Burren for those of you who might have any idea of DJs hehe and for those of you who don't Armin is the #5 DJ in the WORLD...So that was fairly exciting. We got to the clubs at like 11:30 pm and didn't leave till 5 am. Needless to say we were sore and immensely tired the next day. I know that many of you are probably wondering what I eat when I go on vacations but you know what? I am at the point where I don't limit myself from anything anymore. If I want some ice cream I'll eat like 6 bites and then I'll be content. So basically whatever I wanted for food, I got. I had pizza, hamburgers, chicken....the basic vacation foods J As with any vacation that you mostly walk around I lost 4 pounds. I was quite excited when I got back home.

        Okay so I had my second real bad attack of nausea a couple nights ago. I was having this major craving for waffles. So, again, without limiting myself I made two waffles and put butter on them with just two dimes size drops of syrup. I ate one and a half waffles and I thought that I was going to puke my brains out and then die. Even when I had gotten nausea before I didn't feel this bad. I have never thrown up after surgery so I was sooo scared that this was going to be my first time. I sat in front of the toilet for an hour and finally it subsided. THANK GOD because I did NOT want to throw up. I'm a big baby J

            Lets see what else is going on in the fabulous life of Nicolehmmmm. Last week was Hikazs birthday and his sister came home for a visit from California. We hung out all weekend and then I took Tuesday off and we headed into Boston. This weekend is their birthday parties and I have to meet the whole extended family.Im a little nervous, but whatever, I guess I have to meet them sometime, huh?? Then next weekend is our last getaway before the school year starts back up. Were heading up into the mountains. This one shall be a relaxing getaway with a Jacuzzi and some nice views. Hes heading to school full time again and I am starting some new Marketing classes at night for my job come Sept. so we have to have one last hurrah. I am getting my car in a couple weeks if everything goes according to the plan and I should be moving down to Massachusetts hopefully in Oct. sometime. Itll get me closer to Hikaz and school, but Ill be about 40 mins away from work. I shall deal though.So, basically, things are moving along nicely and it seems that my life is in about as much order as it can be at the moment. I will try to post some pictures on Monday. I am at work right now and dont have access to them from my work computer. So everyone, I wish you all as good a weekend as I know I will have and I shall talk to you all soon J

 

8/18

Hello all J Times flies when youre having fun..or so they say. Its actually true though. On the 9th I went to Hikaz and Sonas birthday party. The whooooooooooole family was there. Needless to say I was a little nervous. I was going to wear this cute dress but it revealed my tattoo, which the family wouldnt have approved of. So I wore a white collared shirt. ClassyJ I had a great time and got along with everyone. They even taught me how to dance Armenian and Greek. So now I am officially part of the family or so everyone yelled, Welcome to the family, as I had to bend down and grab a napkin with my mouth, sans any help from my hands. It was an interesting and fun time. I would def. do it again in a heartbeat. His family is great. For a long time I felt like I didnt fit in because of the language thing(I think I neglected to mention that his whole family speaks Armenian.) Yeah its been tough, but after as of lately we get along fabulously. Hmmm this past weekend we went up to Kittery, ME and did the whole outlet shopping and relaxation. It was more than awesome!!!

            Plans have changed once again J I dont know if you have noticed that plans change in my life just as fast as the time .One second Im doing one thing and the next something completely different J So noooooooow I have decided that I am going to head back to school full time come January. I am also going to go back for Forensics. This Marketing thing is not for me. I think I could do it but its not my passion. So I am going to join Hikaz at his school in January. Only hell be commuting and Ill be a resident. I cant wait to get back to school and actually use my noggin. I feel so blah as a receptionist. You never really need your head for anything. This doesnt mean that for some people a receptionist isnt a meaningful job. Its just that I always saw myself as a psychologist. So Im getting a car next month and giving my two weeks at the end of November!!! My best friend Laura is studying in Italy for the next semester and somehow miraculously I conned my parents into paying for a plane ticket to Rome over Thanksgiving break. I have wanted to go to Italy ever since I learned about traveling J. Lets see.what else has been going on in the fabulous life o Nicole. Not a whole lot. I bought the newest Carnie Wilson book. Not as good as the first one but still intriguing. I am halfway done. Other than that my life is boring. I am eating Nilla Wafers as we speak. That has become my new obsession. Each week I find one thing to eat that I just need like everyday. And yep this week is Nilla Wafers. Last week it was Sour Patch Watermelons..Mmmmmm soo tasty. YAY its 4 oclock. I get to go home in an hour and a half. 8-5:30 is one loooooooong ass day, let me tell ya. Alright I think its time for a little Snood or maybe some Freecell to pass the time quicker J I lead such a hard lifehehe.Take care everyone and talk very soon.. J

 

8/29  Allllllright folks I am back to share. "Share what?" you may ask. Well nothing really :) I have no new news so basically I am just writing in here because, well, 1. I am at work and it's the Friday before Labor day so NOTHING is going on and 2. because I finally let Hikaz read my journal and he decided he wanted to add something to it. I am going to just let his letter have it's own page. And nooooo I didn't not tell him what to write :) Everything else is still pretty much the same ol boring life. Well not boring really. I happen to enjoy it :) All I have to say is THANK GOD it's Friday! Tonight is the Italian Feast down in Massachusetts. I have been going ever since I can remember. It used to be a whole family event. My mom, dad, two brothers, and myself used to head out Labor Day weekend and enjoy the rides, food, and games. Every year since my grandmother got Alzheimer's and my brothers decided they were too old and cool for it, we have gone less and less. Then when my grandmother died last year, it just didn't seem the same without her. We would walk through the streets and everyone would yell out "ISABELLE!!!!" and they would kiss hello and talk and talk and talk and talk. We used to call her the mayor cause she knew EVERYONE.....My mom and I were the only ones to go that year and we only stayed for about an hour. Life is funny that way. Things change and everyone just has to move on. I don't find it as fun or entertaining as when I was a child yet for some reason I still cling to that idea. Maybe it's just that little piece of me that still claims to be a child. I have a hard time letting that little piece go. But that is what keeps me me, so I guess I'll hold on to it for as long as I can. Seriously growing up is not it's cracked up to be and I'm just in the beginning phases of it. I don't ever want to think of DisneyWorld as some place with too many kids or a playground as a place that I will only go when I am babysitting or have my own kids. I enjoy those things and I figure that that will keep me young forever, well young at heart at least :)

          Work finally offered me something permanent, but they screwed me over royally. They f-ing offered me a dollar raise. F that shit. I do so much crap for them. I can't wait to leave in December and be like SEEE YA!!!! 11 weeks till Italy. Which reminds me, I have to go and get my pictures taken for my passport. Ahhhhhh my lifelong dream, to have a passport:) and what better place to use it first than Italy ;) I'm hungry......Time for some chex mix....Take care everyone and aaaaaa-baa--dee, aaaaa-baa-dee That's all Folks :)

August-September 2003 

 

11/7 Well well people...it's been over 2 months since I have written and don't I feel like a complete idiot......Not much has really happened though. Everything is pretty much completely the same. I am still jumping around with 5 lbs...back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Right now though I am at the lowest end of the 5 lbs so I am excited hehe.....Next week is myself and Hikaz's first year together....Holy crap a whole year!!! Never thought it would happen hehe.... Just lately I am feeling bored with the situation. He loves me and I know this but he's all confusing with the talk of not wanting to move in togetehr cause it's too much commitment and not knowing if he could ever marry me.....I'm not asking him to get married I just want to know if that could EVER be. Honestly why be with someone if that's not ultimately where you'll end up??? Anyway I am content with just leaving things with the way they are for now and even for a year or so but much longer than that and I'd be ready to say byyyyyyye;) Someone might just come along and sweep me off my feet...A girl can always dream ;) hehe Annnywho that's what's with that....School is coming so fast!! I can't wait....January!! Thank God.......I can't remember if I told ya'll that I left the marketing place early and went to work at a pediatrcian's office. I love it....so I'll just stay there until I can find a job closer to school. Guess what people!!!!! I am leaving for Italy next Thursday!!!!!!! YAY!!!! I thought it would never get here......MY room is in complete shambles and I still haven't packed anything......I went to the bank yesterday and turned some dollars into Euros....THAT WAS EXCITING heheh......Although I gave them 200 and they only gave me 160 euros....damn american money hehehe.......So this will probably be the last time I write until after Italy........I am going to try to put some pictures up now.....Ciao!!!! ;)

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