5/3/06 So la la la today I am throwing a pity party for myself. Isn't it weird how some days you can be on cloud nine and
then other days be the leader of a 'oh woe is me' party?? Okay so maybe I'm not always on cloud nine but I'm usually a positive
person. Just lately since I have been searching for a new job I have been so down on myself. I have so many things going for
me and I know there are so many more people who have real issues but you know everything is relative. I just feel like such
a "loser". I can never follow through with anything. Every job I get a end up quitting usually because I feel not challenged
enough or because I feel demeaned. Of course I quit high school and am a couple classes short of my degree in psych. So in
all honesty how can I expect anything better? I don't know. I am just feeling major regrets in the way I chose to live my
life. I love my husband and I would not want to give him up but when I was younger I had so many ideas and plans for myself.
I wanted to go to finish school and travel. I wanted to see and do so many things before I ever decided to settle down. I
never ever imagined dropping out of high school and being married before I finished college. I know I did this to myself and
I was the one that made these choices. I just wonder how did this all happen and where did I make the wrong turn? Does anyone
else feel like this? Maybe I should go and talk to someone, I don't know. I try and talk to the husband but he just has NO
IDEA where I am coming from and just says that I am talking stupid. I don't want to talk to my friends or family because I
don't them to look down on me or feel bad for me....Jeeeeez louise I don't know. Even when I type that it doesn't make sense
hehe.....why would they look down on me or feel bad for me. So this is my day today anyways maybe tomorrow it will be different.
Where do I go from here? I have absoulutely no idea. I'm just kind of muddling along with no real path or even a destination.
Maybe someone can lend a suggestion or something...Even if you just argee that I should go and see a psychologist or something
hehe..... firstname.lastname@example.org Besides that I am still the same weight....I guess it's just a matter or sustaining the
weight. I would love to lose more and once I find a job I am going to sign up at the gym. Maybe that will make me feel better.
I have been doing work outs at home but it's not the same. Anyways love to all and talk soon!!!!!
4/12/06 So so so so so yet again the months have flown by and I have so much to say and not enough space in my
head to think of all the things. The last time we spoke it was August. What has happened since then??? We are trying to sell
our house and that is NOT fun. We bought a two family and are renting the upstairs but we are just tired of dealing with other
people. We want something that is just ours. So this selling process is slow since the market has come down quite a bit. We
are just being patient though and waiting it out. AS for me I am horrible with taking my vitamins and iron. I know I know…..I
need to take them but I just can never seem to remember. It is laziness at it’s best basically….Even if I think
I should go and take the pills I never get around to it. Does anyone have this issue?? No of course not…everyone else
is normal hehe…..So that is that and I think not taking my pills might have something to do with a little passing out
episode I had last week. I was at a bar with a friend and I just passed out. I had only had one drink and that was 3 hours
prior. I don’t know what happened they have been doing all sorts of tests though. I think it might be hyperglycemia,
but what do I know J I am
currently not working. The husband is working for the local cable company. He doesn’t like it much but he makes good
money and the benefits are great so he sticks with the company. I am just muddling around looking for the best working environment
for myself hehe…I really do hate to work but what can ya do. I am hoping to just work this year and some of next to
save up money. We went to Florida with my parents and brothers in
January and had a blast!!! We are planning on heading out to California to visit his sister and the nephew!!! I can wait to see him. She came out with him for the wedding
but we haven’t seen them since then. We miss them J SO that will be a nice little break as well. We are also planning a trip to Italy in Oct 2007. I have family out there so that should be interesting. AS you can see all I think about is traveling
hehe….Other than that I am doing good. Celebrated my 4th year post surgical anniversary with 92 lbs lost.
I am at 135 lbs now and I feel okay. I always want to lose more but I think it’s just something in my head that will
never go away. I still eat my chocolates and ice cream…..I will never stop
hehe….Other than that all is well and I never thought I would be here 5 years ago. I re-read all my journal entries
up until now and why the heck didn’t anyone smack me and tell me to smarten up hehe….I was so boy crazy for awhile.
I guess that’s what happens when you are 20 and getting male attention for the first time. Oh well we all live and learn
huh?? I shall be going now. I love to hear from people so feel free to email me at email@example.com Talk soooooooooon!!!