6/24/05 Woweeee people it has been QUITE a long time. i am so sorry for being such a lazy internet website keeper upper hehe. And so much has happened. I can't even remmeber everything that is different. Well for one thing I am a married woman now and we closed on a home a couple weeks before the actual wedding and I have a new job as a paralegal at a firm downtown. Everything is just oddly, settled. I have soooooooooo many pictures from the wedding but I have to scan them. I will put the few that I already have on the computer up on here though. The wedding was amazing but like everyone said it would...it flew by in the blink of an eye. The honeymoon was anything but relaxing and then I wanted a vacation from the vacation, but ya can't have eeeeeverything right?? SO basically that is it. I'm learning how to cook and a woman at work is giving me lessons on Armenian cooking since my husband is armenian...Oh weird hehe....my husband. Strange feeling. It's supposed to be in the 90s tomorrow and I am ready for it. To the beach I go. I quit my ER job on the weekends so after over a year of working on the weekends I will have them free from now on....THANK GOD. How is everyone else out there doing?? I am still having a hard time with something that happened a little beofre the wedding and since this is sort of like a diary maybe it will help to talk about it on here....Oh yeah ***warning*** some people may not agree with what I am about to say or my decision but remember that everyone has different beliefs and views....please respect mine. A couple weeks before the wedding I also found out I was pregnant. I went back and forth and back and forth and even though everyone said they supported my decision I knew that the only thing to do was to have an abortion. I thought I had made the right decision for me and that it just wasn't the time for us. I can say now though that I completely regret the decision and there is not ONE day that I don't think about it and wish I could turn back. I feel so many different emotions about it and the only reason why I did it was because I thought that it just couldn't fit in right now with trying to pay for the house and the new job and me even working AT ALL. Even those I think are just stupid excuses and that everything happens for a reason and I just decided to play God one day and change the way things were supposed to happen. Who knows. All I know is that I regret it with everything that I am and I cannot seem to get over it. See?? Here IO go again...crying. Will it ever be okay again. Even when the time comes where I plan on a child I will still feel guilty that it should have a sibling and they weren't supposed to be the first one. Maybe I am making no sense because i am not even reading over what I am writing. I am just typing what pops in my head. Hmph. Everyday that goes by I try to put on a happy face for everyone and like nothing ever happened. Maybe if I wasn't so far along when I had to have it maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. Because I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome I don't get periods usually so for me not to get it wasn't a big deal and the gyno told me it would be ALMOST impossible for me to have a baby. So I didn't find out till I was 4 and a half months.... There was a baby inside of me...Half way to 9 months....*sigh* I have to stop talking about this cause I am getting too worked up. Okay I should go but I will write more tomorrow. Sorry guys I just need to go watch TV or something. My new email is nwdermenjian@hotmail.com

8/26/05 Hey all. For those of you who actually follow along with me you have come to realize when I say that I will write more later...I never do. I truly comend people like Danny who even after they have the surgery and lose all this weight can write in the journal often. I try and try but time just gets away from me. So much so that that I can barely find time to call my friends and my husband and I are always working opposite schedules....Mmmmmmm that's weird to say even still after 3 months...my husband. Oh well hehe So yeah....When I was fat and denying the fact that I was depressed I was in my dorm room and on my computer all the time. I had so many emotions and all at the same time. I still have emotions but my husband is a pretty good listener and I am more comfortable sharing things with others. So I guess looking back it is for a good reason that I don't write on here that much. I truly don't have that much of an interesting life anymore. I work come home clean and cook and then go to bed and weekends I try and do something like shop or go to the movies hehe. Wow exciting aye?? Although our friends Manoug (Armenian) and Jenn are getting married in a couple weeks and Saturday is their Bachelor(ette) parties. So one limo is going into boston for the girls and the other limo is going to RI strip clubs for the guys.....hehe. It should be fun though. Hey random thought....Between yesterday and today I just ate o whole bag of Snickers popables. It was a smaller bag than the huge ones...but still. I'm at work and this is the hardest place not to want to snack. I could be at home watching TV and snack less. DAMN IT. So anyway that's where I am right now...work so maybe I should do something more productive than writing on here.....I have Monday and Tuesday off and I can't wait!!! Monday is Six Flags so hopefully it won't rain and Tuesday is relaz with my husband day....mmmm that will be nice since we haven't had a day together since the honeymoon. Talk soon :-) PS we finally got the photographer's pics back from the wedding....Go to http://www.lynwoodstudio.com and click on Event and the session ID is dermenjian. You can look at ALL of them...Aren't you excited?? hehe